Are you frickin’ kidding me? This is the most amazing summation of both what is right in the world, and what is wrong with it, in perfect tandem.
The idea is this, it’s a liquid bladder, just like a Camelback, but it sits on front of you, hanging around your mid-section, looking like a beer belly. You fill it up with beer or whatever, and sneak it into the game. No glass, no bottles, no nothing but a beer belly… or, a belly full of beer.
They claim it’s the perfect antidote to the high prices sports stadiums charge for beer, and that this can carry over a full six-pack (80 oz).
I can’t really imagine using it, but I’m sure if I had one, I would. And you bet your sweet ass I’d use this if I was still in college… Probably use it during classes in fact.
The question: How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?
– You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
– You are not allowed to touch a wall.
– When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is “out.”
– I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
– The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of “counter-tactics” training.
– There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.
When I first saw this a few years ago, my niece was 5 years old, and it really messed with me to think about. I got over that by just becoming cold and calloused. For the purpose of this exercise, let’s all assume they’re zombies, no longer human. Other than that though, they’re completely normal, being zombies has not changed them in any other way except to remove their humanity. If they’re zombies, I’d have a much better chance going out swinging.
I know a lot of you will scoff, but I’m going with 38. Trust me when I tell you I’ve thought about this a lot. A lot.
How many can you take on?
BTW, this was also spawned by a recent trip to the St. John’s Pro Wrestling, where I saw a very angry midget come off the top rope, then helicopter a full sized man. Fantastic.
CTV.ca, a Canadian news site is reporting about an emerging trend of older adults using prescribed and/or illegal drugs. The quote of the story is from Mavis Becker, a 64-year-old woman who says,
“I do have a habit of getting on the hyper side. And I find if I go out on my balcony and smoke a doobie, I feel way more relaxed and I don’t get too excited about it,” she says.
“I hope my grandchildren will be willing to roll a doobie for me if my arthritis gets too bad,” says Becker.
My first thoughts are obviously of Little Miss Sunshine, where grandpa does a little hard-core narcotic to help wind down. I personally don’t see anything wrong with it, as many of the people they describe are lonely and suffering from aging bodies that don’t work like they used to. I’ve got to get my wife’s parents to have some. I just can’t imagine passing a joint back and forth between them, eating brownies and just chilling out for once. But it might make for the best Christmas ever.
It’s pretty sad what Hasselhoff is doing to himself. And I both feel for his kid, who’s probably pretty pissed and confused, but I’m also annoyed at the little bastard, and think it’s pretty heartless to tape him like this and upload to youtube… Pretty cold blooded. (supposedly Hoff asked his family to tape him when he relapsed, but that doesn’t mean you upload it to YouTube).